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Follow The Leader by ~aurakiel:iconaurakiel:





When I grow up,
I want to be.
When I grow up,
I want to see.
     A tiny hand.
     A simple plan.
     A blank page.
     An empty stage.
A worn path with stepping stones,
A world of wonder still unknown.
I look to you to take my hand,
To guide me in this strange land.
     You failed me.
     You stumbled.
     I stand Alone.
     The stones have crumbled.
Follow the Leader?
Seek your Fate?
Walk Alone?
A future to create.
     A shaking hand.
     An unknown plan.
     A filling page.
     A trafficed stage.
When growing up,
I became me.
When growing up,
I was forced to see.
©2004-2009 ~aurakiel
:iconaurakiel:

Author's Comments

Because I think, "The Road Less Travled By," is shit.
Wow...look...Ashley can rhyme.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconlil-softball-angel-7:
I really like this poem... its has deep thought...
:iconaurakiel:
Thanks for the comment and I'm glad you like it. ^_^ Also...thanks for the watch!

--
If God takes lives, He's and Indian-Giver.
:iconpanther-claw:
Wow...sounds....atheist.

--
Well, I finally got some damn attention. I guess I can stop being so emo about things.


Damn... I might even come back.
:iconaurakiel:
...it happens. If you've talked to Emily and Emily has mentioned me...she'd probably like to make you think I was. Thanks for the comment...

--
If God takes lives, He's and Indian-Giver.
:icondreamgoddess:
Awesome Ash! You were so little in the preview pic! Oh my! I like your poem though...although I think the road less traveled would be alot more interesting, but we make our mistakes either way we go =o)

--
Don't love me because I'm beautiful. Don't hate me because I'm not.

Doubt my love and you doubt me.
:iconabeitch:
the sentences are a little shorter then i've come to expect from you.
i liked the rhetorical questions... kinda reminded me of the choice of three paths.
good story-telling as always.
:iconyukin:
Halfway through the poem, the ideas have dramatically change. It seems uneasy and would flow better if you can put in a bit of "filler" for better transition. Also, I think the line: "When growing up, I became me." should be switch places with "When growing up, I was forced to see" because the idea takes an abrupt turn the way you have ended it; whereas switching them, it ends with a solid idea
:iconaurakiel:
Yukin...you've never made a dramatic change without a transition? You've never had an "abrupt" change in idea or in the way you view things? I...personally have. Thanks for you comments...I always love them. Nothing is soild in my life...everything changes...and sometimes with a quickness.

--
If God takes lives, He's and Indian-Giver.
:iconyukin:
What can I say? When I critique, I just state everything that I think could be done better. Of course, I can be called a hypocrite, but I hope what I forget to do in my poetry, others will point it out. But for now, I'm going to continue doing so to everybody's poem.

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August 26, 2004
840 bytes
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